


You're not the Boss of my own Loop

by Kameiko



Category: Good Omens (TV)
Genre: Banter, Crack, Humor, M/M, Romance, Time Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-19
Updated: 2019-10-19
Packaged: 2020-12-24 01:16:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21090965
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kameiko/pseuds/Kameiko
Summary: Crowley refused to break the loop he and his angel are stuck in for predictable reasons, of course.FulfilledPrompt!





	You're not the Boss of my own Loop

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Miss_Nightmare](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Miss_Nightmare/gifts).

_What a time to be immortally dead! Here I am at the world’s most expensive fine dining restaurant with my angel, Aziraphale. About to get my arse fucked by that beautiful-wait, why the name of all 9 realms of Hell’s was he frozen in place…again? Oh, God, don’t come here. Please don’t come here to give me any grief. _

_“CROWLEY!!!!!!!!!!” The voice of God called out to me. Oh lovely. _

_“Yeah?” I dabbed his napkin over my lips, juicy steak grease removed for what felt like the 60,000th time in the last 60,000 years, give or take a few. _

_“Why have you made no effort to get you and your lover out of this stage of intervention that I have PERSONALLY granted you two? Yes, watching you two banging each other for nearly over 60,000-blah, blah, blah-” God started to ramble, as usual. _

_I hold up my hand to get God to shut the fuck up. “Hold up your old coot of whatever.”_

_God instantly shuted up. That was a first. I thought after year 20,020 I would have to seek out an occult to blast said entity into the sun. “60,000 or so years of me eating the same delicious steak with this wonderful angel that you have made in your image, and you’re just now admitting that you’ve been watching us FUCK for THAT long before this divine intervention? God damn yourself, love. You put us here. Deal with the consequences yourself.”_

_Speechless. “At least I put a good show on for your voyager eyes.” I meant to say voyeur eyes. If God had been neglecting their own duties over the Earth just to watch us two fuck in many different and somewhat questionable positions, then the Earth’s main timeline must really be fucked over worse than mine and Aziraphale’s life now. I wondered if any new sex positions have been discovered during this Cyberpunk-Dystopian discovery? Or did humans revert back to the stone age?_

_“Excuse me?! Did you just talk back to your creator that has decided to give you a second chance? You know, I should send you directly to Lucifer’s unwaxed ears, you ungrateful snob of a demon!” God raised their voice, causing the whole planet to shift slightly off its axis. Aziraphale only leaned to the right. When I turned back I and sat down, I noticed the real horror! THERE WAS KETCHUP ON MY STEAK! _

_“Hey! Hey! You ruined a perfectly great ketchupless steak!” The steak had fallen to the ground. I stood up, straightening up my angel’s body first before taking the napkin to my perfectly cleaned outfit that I JUST had dry cleaned for the THIRD time this week! I didn’t care about mannerism that much anymore. I’ll work on it in the Loop year of 60,000 and something. “Also, God, I am not the one being a sick pervert by watching me get fucked over in more ways than one! I am not stupid! All you want is your shotty fanfic filled fantasy fullfilled! Do humans still say ‘ew’ in the real world? Or did World War Six happen to where sentence structure finally has meaning again?”_

_God was furious. They’re not taking too kindly to my relentless taunts. “I should take away your angel and leave you alone in this loop forever! How would you feel about that? Hm? Stuck living the same day without your precious meat?”_

_“I can always find another restaurant to have steak at.” I challenged my parent. I wasn’t going to let some unimaginative voice in the sky get the best of me. _

_“I WILL TAKE AWAY ALL THE STEAKS OF THIS LOOP TOO! IN FACT NO MORE COWS! THE SAME COW HERE HAS SUFFERED LONG ENOUGH BECAUSE OF YOU!R GLUTTONY” God unfroze Aziraphale to make their point across my angel too. “AND YOU!!!! WHY ARE YOU LETTING THIS HAPPEN????”_

_I wanted to make a comment that the cows never asked to be a part of this as well, and God was the reason they had to suffer the same knife…I decided against it when they dotted my angel back from the suspension of disbelief. Damn, the parent! _

_Aziraphale pushed two of their fingers together, not looking up at the sky. “Because I enjoy the different activities we do together. If we attempt to do our deeds on another plain, say Heaven? We would both just be banned and go to Hell, and Crowley doesn’t want that for me.”_

_God screamed out in anger. “THE WHOLE POINT OF THIS LOOP IS FOR CROWLEY TO SHOW HE CAN BE A GOOD ANGEL FOR A DAY SO YOU TWO IDIOT LOVEBIRDS CAN GET BACK INTO HEAVEN! I AM THE CREATOR OF HEAVEN! MY WORD TRUMPS THAT OF THE OTHERS!”_

_No you just wanted to watch us bang, remember? Although, I had to admit that hearing Gabriel’s complaints about being too nosey in the clouds sounded very appetizing, but oh Lord almighty you’re giving me a fucking headache! This was why I don’t want to return to the blasted pretty clouded sky. There was no logic behind it all. _

_“THINK OF THE COWS, CROWLEY! THINK OF YOUR ANGEL! THINK ABOUT ALL THE EVENTS GOING ON AROUND YOU!” God really needed to stop screaming down their wrath! I can’t keep trying to straighten myself and my angel back onto Earth’s delicate rotation. I am sure six hurricanes have spawned in the last six minutes, because of our parent’s temper tantrum. What a themselves damned hypocrite. _

_Aziraphale hanged his head. My angel looked so sad. “Now look what you've done, tyrant.” I placed my hand in his. “Don’t worry, angel. I have this Karma sutra book back at my place that we haven’t looked through yet. How about we leave right now to go try position 798 out?”_

_“But I have to obey the Lord. We can’t go against them.” Aziraphale doesn’t let go of my hand. He squeezed it tighter in fear of losing me. How sickeningly sweet. I am not going anywhere, angel. Lord, thy voyeur won’t let that happen. _

_“Sure you can! I don’t listen to the annoying voice screaming in my dreams all the time!” I am a demon after all. I don’t have to listen to any fucked-up headache. “Tis the season of the second summer that God has decided to pay me a visit. They’re too ‘kind’ to kick us out of this loop.”_

_God screamed like a banshee again. I really wish he would fucking stop that. My arse hurts from falling over so much! “YOU KNOW WHAT?! GUESS WHAT, CROWLEY! YOU HAVE A PERMANENT LOOP ROOMATE!”_

_Gabriel appeared before us. Oh, no! God had threatened us with a good time! I smiled wickedly when I seen the confusion written on his face. He didn’t understand why he was here and not in whatever colony that manifested itself on Mars. Maybe I can convince him into a threesome? Or, or, or I can play tricks on him till he begged me to close this loop. I clapped my hands together in delight. Oh! OH! SO many things I can do here! _

_Gabriel looked up at the sky. “Why am I being punished?! What have I done to upset you, my Lord?” _

_“TOO BAD! YOUR PROBLEM NOW! This loop being your new mission. BYE!” God closed the phone conversation on us. I wondered if Gabriel was about to become a fallen angel to go against his new mission. That would be funny. _

_Aziraphale looked up at Gabriel with pity. He was just too sweet like that to see the stupid angel in pain. “Sorry, Crowley can be a good and bad pain in the you know where.”_

_Gabriel was about to say something when he had seen a folded note appear before him. He unfolded it and read it out loud, “Dear Crowley, all the cows have moved on from this level of the playing field, enjoy, signed, the Lord. What does this even mean?”_

_I glared up at the sky. “YOU HAVEN’T HEARD THE LAST OF ME! I WILL MAKE EVERY PIECE OF PLANT AND LETTUCE GROWTH SUFFER FOR PERFECTION NOW!”_

_Gabriel and Aziraphale backed out of the room while I started another argument with the Lord. A recorded message appeared above my head that kept repeating “la, la, la, I am not listening!”. _

_Like that, the day was over, and the loop would reset in a couple of minutes. Today was really an off day in loop land, and what did I learn from this takeaway? Absolutely nothing and I didn’t get fucked by my angel! _


End file.
